You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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