i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
