I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
