you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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