I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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