I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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