Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
