Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
