My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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