The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't deserve a penis
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
