Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
