barbara walters just said penis...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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