please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
