my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
