Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
