he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
