toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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