Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
