I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
