I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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