I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
