I wish they made helmets for livers.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
