if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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