If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize