come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
