Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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