Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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