I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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