your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
