I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
