oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
