I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
