I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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