You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you traded sex for a burrito?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
