dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
