Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
vagina is talking i cant
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
