Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
