a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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