That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
