This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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