I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
