Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
