two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
