I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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