So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
