I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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