and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
