brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
