Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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