Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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