are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
