yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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