My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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