you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
