Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
not ubering you a puppy
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
