I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
birth control should be required to get into college
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
