I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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