three words: i give head
three words: not that well
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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