i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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