I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
