Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
