Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
