Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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