They should really pass out barf bags in church
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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