She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
