the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
